Even when…


There is a song I listen in the radio that stuck in my head these weeks.

It says:

Even if the healing doesn’t come and life falls apart

And dreams are still undone

You are God You are good Forever faithful One.

But I say: Even WHEN the healing didn’t come and life falls apart, You are God, You are good, forever faithful one.

cik shierly



cik seli


The only place I want to be right now is in the particular mortuary in Jakarta, hugging my niece and my nephews, my sisters and my mom.  Shedding tears with my family.

But even though I am here, thousands of miles away from that mortuary and the place I call home, my unstoppable tear flows down my eyes.  I feel the same headache my family feels. My heart aches like theirs.  I lost my appetites like they lost theirs.

I remember the day she drove me to the airport to leave for the USA last July.  When I was saying last goodbyes and looked sad, she said, “don’t cry! you will have fun there, why do you cry?”

When I was craving for Indonesian food and posted on my Facebook, she commented,”You want to eat those, don’t you? That food will make you fat!”

That was just the way she showed that she cares.

When I return home someday later, you might not be there picking me up at the airport (like you used to be).  But I know you are in a better place now.

I am imagining you are having a chat with papi there.

I am looking forward to the time when I can see you again, but until then I hope you have fun with papi, ci Seli!

We all love you and miss you already.


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